Thursday, September 20, 2012

Colonoscopy... You Want to Stick What, Where!


Time for a Stick Up
My birthday is fast approaching and this old gal will be 52. That is both good and bad news; the good news is I have made it to basically 52 years of age on this side of the sod. Now for the bad news; is it is time for a stick up. Yup, you guessed it; the doctor says it is time of a colonoscopy.
The doctor called it a “surveillance colonoscopy”. What are they going to do; send a miniature spy team up there and take pictures of incriminating evidence? Geez! Evening a screening test at this point sounds bad. Picture Miss Suzy’s screen test; let’s just say I don’t think my hind side is not my best side for a screen test. To me this just feels like a robbery and somebody yelled, “Stick ‘um up”.
Too Many Doctors So What’s One More - Gastroenterologist
Normally when your Internist/family doctor orders a colonoscopy, it means going to see a gastroenterologist. Basically, this is a doctor that enjoys looking down mouths and into your stomach or up peoples colons through special tubes all day long. It is a wonder these people can look people in the eye afterwards
There really isn’t a problem with seeing a gastroenterologist; however, what happens if you cancer is found during the “stick up”.  Then you would need to see either a general surgeon or a colorectal surgeon. If you have as many doctors as I do, the very thought of adding possibly two more makes me sick. So I found a colorectal surgeon that also does colonoscopies.
The Basics
I have had an upper endoscopy before (this is where they look down your throat and into your stomach with at tube which requires you not to eat after midnight). From that I learned that the actual procedure of having an enormous tube shoved down an orifice doesn’t hurt do to the anesthesia. As a matter of fact, most people have no memory of the actually procedure of either an upper endoscopy or colonoscopy. However, the worst thing able a colonoscopy is the prep. 
They say, “What goes up must go down”. Well I say, “What when in must come out”. Hence the principle of the prep of a colonoscopy, in doctor’s terms that will say to you is that “The prep is used to clean you out. If the 
prep isn’t done as directed and you aren’t completely cleaned out, both the prep and the procedure will need to be rescheduled”. I don’t know about you but after you hear about the prep (if you haven’t heard urban folklore already) there is NO WAY I’m repeating it).
The Prep
I’m not going into great details as each doctor has his own “cocktail drink” or version of liquid laxatives or the 32 pill version that was approved by the FDA that you can take to clean you out. If you are poor or have kidney problems the bad news is the pill option is out for you. You will be stuck the “cocktail”.  I’ve heard tails that it tastes horrible. I have no point of reference but you can either drink a ½ gallon (the cheaper option) or a quart of liquid (an expensive option that might not do the job). The choice and risk is up to you. Follow the instructions to the letter and pray everything comes out ok in the end. Pun intended.
I’ll let you know how this …went… when I have a point of reference. My only laughing point is that later in the month of October, I’ll get to laugh at my husband as he has to go through the same thing. He’ll be turning 52 too. 

     The above video is from YouTube and called Lookin Up My Back Door

*Thanks Carla Barrett for the great chicken cartoon


  1. Oh dear...heheheh... sorry to laugh, but yes, there isn't much that can be considered "fun" about a colonoscopy. I had one several years ago. Truly, the worst part was drinking the cleansing liquid. Gahhh! Once that was over, though, the rest was a breeze. No discomfort at all. And as you might expect, I was ravenous afterwards, so I got to have a lovely brunch at a favorite restaurant. Figured I deserved it. The other plus? I was told I didn't have to have another one for 10 years. Um... that's seven years, now. I hope that by the time it comes up again, they'll have a more comfortable, less disgusting way to cleanse before the procedure.

    I hope it all "goes" quickly and easily. :o)

    1. I totally freaked out in the doctor's office complete with tears. Talk about flashback city concerning something being shoved up there during abuse. The doc was very nice and understanding. I'm just as bad with intubation. I'm sure it will all "come out ok in the end" (pardon the pun). But the looming date of Oct 8th doesn't yet feel like a laughing matter.

      I known cognitively the cleanse is the worst part. I am disappointed I can't take the pills. Hopefully, they will come up with a better plan in the future. I did ask about the virtual colonoscopy; however, in case you are thinking about that route in the future it isn't an accurate test. *sigh* I really appreciate your support.